The Disappearing Man
There are two basic categories of Disappearing Man:
Category 1. The "I'll call you" brush off after date one or two.
This is easily explained and requires little recovery. Men would rather say "I'll call you" than "thanks but no thanks." This is childish and disappointing (especially if you believe them) but excusable in the grand scheme of things.
Category 2. You've been on multiple dates; have started making plans for upcoming events; have fallen into a regular calling / dating pattern. Precedents have been set; some vulnerabilities have been laid bare; he has uttered the "L" word; bodily fluids may have been exchanged. Then he disappears. No drama, no falling out, no call, no email, no Post-It break-up note. There is no expectation of any kind of closure - ever. Cue crickets.
Possible scenarios to explain his disappearance:
- Witness protection.
- Alien abduction.
- Coma / amnesia.
- Mob connections / gambling debts.
- He desperately wants to talk but he's trapped under something heavy and can't get to the phone.
- He is of the Manspam varietal Self-Effacing Predator.
Recovery from this kind of behavior follows the
Kübler-Ross grieving model.
- Denial: Maybe the internet is broken and all cell phone towers have spontaneously failed.
- Anger: Fearful imaginings of him lying helpless in a ditch morph into wishful thinking and elaborate daydreams.
- Bargaining: It's been two months since he kissed me goodnight and said he'd call tomorrow. There's got to be a logical explanation. If he calls me within the next 6 months I will consider taking him back.
- Depression: Chocolate. Chocolate. Wine. Indiscriminate online shopping while semi-buzzed. Buyer's remorse. Chocolate. Wine. Repeat.
- Acceptance: You no longer wake up and wonder what happened; you drive past his work place and it doesn't even register; you fall asleep easily and wake up rested; you sing along to "Extraordinary” and believe it. You know you are loved.
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