Dear Manspam,
I'm writing on behalf of a friend of mine who I'm afraid is on his way to becoming Manspam. I've known him for several years and the guy I know is sweet, caring, considerate, and always looking to improve and educate himself.
He's been single for a while and says he really wants to find a partner and start a family. However whenever he's out and about he falls into this routine that makes him look like an ass. If someone asks him who he is and what he does for a living he tells them his name is Cletus and that he's an actor in porn films.
He thinks it's hilarious. To the point that I think I've heard him re-tell this story about a dozen times. I think it's obnoxious. He's recently relocated and is having trouble finding friends. I think this is part of the problem. Thoughts?
Signed, Is there a Point of No Return?
Dear Point,
I read your story and instantly get a visual of a post-apocalyptic city -- the kind you see in all those depressing movies where the future is badbadbad and shot on tungsten balanced film so everything appears cold and blueish, buildings smoking in the distance - not the kind of smoking that's banned in most establishments nowadays - but I think you get the drift.
There's a road leading into town, maybe some tumbleweeds blowing across it to emphasise the desolation. I see your friend, walking up to the outskirts of town: the sign reads "Manspamville." But it's not too late -- there's a fork in the road -- will he take it or continue on his path?
If he's as good a man as you say he doesn't need all that bullshit bravado. It's possible he has no idea as to how he's being perceived, it's also possible that he gets a little charge thinking that maybe someone will believe he has shared lube with Ron Jeremy or Tabitha Stevens.
Sure, he might have a good (albeit repetitive) story to email his buddies, but at the end of the night, at the end of the week, at the end of the month, he's going home alone - am I right? And as a woman looking for someone myself, if I met a guy in a bar who came up and told me that schtick, would I be impressed? Would I consider this guy as a prospect? No, I wouldn't. I'd dismiss him in a heartbeat. Even in the retelling he comes across as a sexist, crass, inappropriate jerk who is trying way too hard.
You say he looks for ways to educate and improve himself. Be a real friend and tell him what you think. It's not too late to turn at the fork in the road.